The Effects of Parent Conflict on Children
Dear Sophia,
I signed the paper work for Alex and Audrey's passport extension as you requested this morning. Thank you for asking and the opportunity to sign. You have no idea how much it means to me especially after all these years that I have no access to them. No one knows how much sleepless night I have thinking of them. And no one can possibly understand and feel how much I miss them and how much love I have for them.
I know that we had many differences between us in the past. Unfortunately, I can see, after all these years, time has not eased and diminished the many tensions between us. Ten years is a long time by any standard. It is perhaps long enough for me to accept what can and cannot be changed in our lives. I can only hope that we are wiser and happier.
Although I disagree with your conclusion that it is better for Alex and Audrey not see their real father for almost ten year, I am starting to understand and perhaps accept the thing that I cannot change. After doing some research and reading on what best for our children, one hit me the most strongly in particular, and I quote,
“We can understand and empathize with the spouse who feels wronged and wants revenge, or the spouse who is overwhelmed with anxiety at the thought of losing the children, or the spouse who prefers to forget that the marriage ever was. But using the children to get revenge, to cope with anxiety, to erase the past, is unacceptable. Parents must hold themselves to a higher standard. They must have the courage to face what they are doing to their children. They must honor their mission to safeguard their children’s welfare, even when the darkest feelings beckon them to dim their awareness of their betrayal of their children. Divorce poison must be left in the bottle. Children deserve no less.” - Richard A. Warshak, Divorce Poison. New York: Regan Books, 2001.
To me, it is very clear that in order for us to “honor the mission to safeguard our children’s welfare”, we must first find away to overcome our past differences. It is not our divorce that is impacting the development of our children, it is rather our continuing parental conflict that will injure them. Often severely.
May I share my findings please: http://www.insightpsychological.com/Library/Effect%20of%20Parental%20conflict%20on%20children.pdf
Despite the outcome, I wish you well Sophia. I wish you and Mark happiness in the new family.
Finally, Please send my love to Alex and Audrey. More importantly, please tell them that they have a father who is far from perfect, who loves them very much and misses them terribly, and that he will always be there for them.
May GOD protects them, guides them, and blesses with health, peace and happiness.
Sincerely,
Rudy
I know that we had many differences between us in the past. Unfortunately, I can see, after all these years, time has not eased and diminished the many tensions between us. Ten years is a long time by any standard. It is perhaps long enough for me to accept what can and cannot be changed in our lives. I can only hope that we are wiser and happier.
Although I disagree with your conclusion that it is better for Alex and Audrey not see their real father for almost ten year, I am starting to understand and perhaps accept the thing that I cannot change. After doing some research and reading on what best for our children, one hit me the most strongly in particular, and I quote,
“We can understand and empathize with the spouse who feels wronged and wants revenge, or the spouse who is overwhelmed with anxiety at the thought of losing the children, or the spouse who prefers to forget that the marriage ever was. But using the children to get revenge, to cope with anxiety, to erase the past, is unacceptable. Parents must hold themselves to a higher standard. They must have the courage to face what they are doing to their children. They must honor their mission to safeguard their children’s welfare, even when the darkest feelings beckon them to dim their awareness of their betrayal of their children. Divorce poison must be left in the bottle. Children deserve no less.” - Richard A. Warshak, Divorce Poison. New York: Regan Books, 2001.
To me, it is very clear that in order for us to “honor the mission to safeguard our children’s welfare”, we must first find away to overcome our past differences. It is not our divorce that is impacting the development of our children, it is rather our continuing parental conflict that will injure them. Often severely.
May I share my findings please: http://www.insightpsychological.com/Library/Effect%20of%20Parental%20conflict%20on%20children.pdf
Despite the outcome, I wish you well Sophia. I wish you and Mark happiness in the new family.
Finally, Please send my love to Alex and Audrey. More importantly, please tell them that they have a father who is far from perfect, who loves them very much and misses them terribly, and that he will always be there for them.
May GOD protects them, guides them, and blesses with health, peace and happiness.
Sincerely,
Rudy
posted by rsetiawan at 6:38 AM
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